Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
