Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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