Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
