Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize