What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
