What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
