I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
