Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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