So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
