I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
