Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
