if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
