is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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