I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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