shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
