Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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