Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sarcasm needs its own font
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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