Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
