MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
