I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
