I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
