He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
