Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
