Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
