We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
