After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
