Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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