I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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