Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
