Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
