sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
