Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
