hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
