I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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