how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
