i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
