my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
