I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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