Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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