i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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