I can text with my tongue
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
