we have pet lesbian snakes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
