I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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