I am in a vortex of obligation.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
