Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
