I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
