Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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