IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I AM VODKA MAN
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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