We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
