fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
