you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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