I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
