YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
