I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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