it was like his penis was on wheels.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
