At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
